Random Thoughts With Asat: The Hausas. Ten Myth, Facts and Forklore.

Nine years ago, the farthest I’ve travelled in this country was Kwara state. First it was offa, then Oro and finally, Ilorin. Press the “fast forward” button to 2016 and I’ve known places. Well, it’s a privilege. Not that I’m a tourist who’s paying for the trips with his money.

I’ve been to the northern part of this country. In fact, I’ve been to the north and I’ve also been to the core north. Trust me, there’s a big difference between the two. If you’ve been to Abuja, Kaduna or even Nassarawa, you surely know the north. If you’ve however travelled through Sokoto, Katsina or even Kebbi, then you’re at liberty to talk about the core north.IMG_20160208_142116[1]

Having spent all my life in the South, I grew up with some incorrect, sometimes absurd, information about the northerners. Permit me to highlight briefly the ten things you probably don’t know about the Hausas.

  • All Northerners Are Not Hausas

Wrong idea! Many of you assume unnecessarily that anyone from the north is/must be a Hausa. Meanwhile, a Fulani man can beat you up if you refer to him as a Hausa man.

  • Daura Is The Spiritual Home Of The Hausas

You know the relevance of Ile-Ife to the yorubas, right? Same applies to Daura (Buhari’s hometown). The Hausa kingdom began as seven states inhabited by Hausa-speakers. These are known as the true Hausas. They are: Daura, Kano, Katsina, Zaria, Gobir, Rano and Biram. The other half of the kingdom was called the Banza Bakwai (Bastard or Bogus seven). They are: Zamfara, Kebbi, Yauri, Gwari, Kwararafa, Nupe and Ilorin.

  • The Core North Is Hot

Sokoto is the Federal Capital of Planet Mercury. And am not even exaggerating. Of course, this might not be a breaking news but trust me, the hotness is in HD. I once took a bike ride, expecting to receive fresh air (breeze) once the bike was in motion. OYO was just my case! The “breeze” hitting my body was like the steam of a locomotive train. When it rains, it herald heat, when it’s cold, it’s also in excess.

  • An Average Hausa Man is Honest

Honesty is still a virtue to a typical Hausa man. While in Daura, I got to realize that you can call an Okada man, give him a download of groceries you intend to buy in the market, hand the money over to him and go to bed. He’ll surely bring your goods to you and hand over the exact change! Hypothetically speaking, the word Gaskia (Truth) is held sacred. When a seller tells you Gaskia, believe me, he can’t/won’t sell below that price.

  • Don’t Drink But Smoke

Following the tenets of Islam, drinking alcohol is usually considered a taboo. As such, most beer shops are located outside the cities and towns. But Smoking is allowed. And people here can smoke the light out of a floodlight! I’ve seen a family where all the members share smoke sticks. The total number of people that smoke in the south east still won’t half the number of smokers in Kano alone. In addition, the constant abuse of codeine is a menace the government battle daily. Add Shisha, and the party is just about to commence.

  • The 10:00am Golden Rule

Kano is the commercial center of the north. But business activities don’t start here till 10:00am in any given day. Forget the “Lagos doesn’t sleep” syndrome of the West or the “24/7 hustle spirit” of the East. Kano sleeps comfortably when it’s time to and guess what? Millions, if not billions, exchange hands in singer market and the other big markets daily.

  • The Smuggling Business

In certain areas in Katsina and Sokoto state, the best buildings you’ll see in the towns are Filling Stations. Houses are built with muds in the villages yet “beautiful” filling stations are scattered all around. My curiosity led me to a shocking discovery. Most of the filling stations smuggle the fuel into Niger Republic and sell, thereby making a 100% increase in profit. The “Oyel blood money” is also been spent here and it’s the quickest way the elites are getting rich.

  • Foreign Haven

You’ve been told that many foreigners live in Jos. You’ve also heard that it’s because of the cool weather in J-town. You should also know that many foreigners live in Kano too and they own almost all the eateries in the city. They mix with the locals well and feel safe. Unlike the South-South, the fear of kidnappers barely exist.

  • Mutilated Spenders

If there’s one thing the Yorubas are good at, it’s the idea of rejecting the Naira note the moment a little dent is on it. “The #100 sign is not showing well below”, the old pepper-seller will shout at you. “Why is the CBN Governor signature not clear”, the Danfo conductor will scream loud. But a trader in the north will collect the mutilated money from you so far it’s a Naira and genuine.

  • The North is Safe

Boko haram, Yes! I know. They kill, kidnap and rape girls but it’s majorly in Borno. The greater part of the north is safe. The people are friendly and quite hospitable.


Those are some of my thoughts for today. As usual, feel free to share yours with me in the comment section.


The Tanzanian Approach -Ten Things Nigeria Can Learn

John Magufuli is doing what has been termed the “Rwandanisation of Tanzania”. If you dont know about what Paul Kagame has done with Rwanda make Google your friend.

New Tanzania President did this in just 3 Month – AMAZING

Here are some of the things John Magufuli has done already in LESS THAN A MONTH. Not in 3 or 6 years, one month. He’s shown a clear commitment to walk the talk but not to talk and talk and talk and talk more like we do here:


New Tanzania President

1. Soon after his election, Magufuli declared there would be no celebration of Independence Day on 9 December because it would be “shameful” to spend huge sums of money on the celebrations when people were dying of cholera. Instead, the day has been set as a national day of cleanliness, and the money will go toward street¬cleaning services. He has said everybody should pick up their tools and clean their backyards.

2. After his first official visit to the Muhimbili Hospital, and seeing the horrible state it was in, he ordered over 200 million shillings marked for “parliament parties” be used to pay for beds for people lying on the floor and sharing beds.

A few days later 300 beds were delivered. He dismissed the governing board and got a new team in place, and within days the broken MRI was fixed. He also pared down his inauguration party from $100,000 to $7,000 and sent the extra money to the hospital.

3. Three days into his term, Magufuli announced a ban on all foreign travel by government officials. They have been instructed to instead make regular visits to rural areas to learn and help solve problems facing everyday Tanzanians. All tasks that required officials to travel abroad would instead be done by high commissioners and ambassadors who are already in place.

4. He has restricted all first and business class travel to government officials, except the president, vice¬president and prime minister.

5. There will be no more workshops and seminars in expensive hotels when there are so many ministry board rooms available.

6. He suspended the Tanzania Revenue Authority’s chief and other officials pending investigations after a visit by Prime Minister Kassim Majaliwa to the port of Dar es Salaam found 350 containers listed in its books were missing.

7. When he had to travel 600km to Dodoma, from Dar, to officially open parliament last week, he didn’t order a private jet – instead, he chose to drive.

8. At the National Assembly in Dodoma last week he clearly sent out the message that it will not be business as usual under his leadership.

9. He promised to cut public spending, fight corruption and enhance accountability in public service. He said it is time for Tanzanians to walk the talk.

10. Magufuli reportedly told parliamentary leaders that the people of Tanzania want him to solve their problems and not make speeches.


What’re your thoughts? Remember to share in the comment section.

How I wish we could learn….By Kwame Gyan

c. Merih-News.com

Random Thoughts With Asat – Nollywood, Telemundo and your Head

It’s 12 midnight. For reasons known to you, you’re not indoor. Briskly, as a certified hard guy, you’re trekking home. The thought of Armed Robbers doesn’t scare you a bit. Nah today? If anyone would think of robbing you or causing you harm in this area, then they must think twice. You be the Area father now! Boys hail you when you pass during the day: “Baba ooooo”, “Domo!”, “Anything for the boys”, “Baba nah you ooooo”, if anything would scare you, then its IUPAC name should start with L, ends with N and ranged by I and O. Your confidence is sky high.

Seventy (70) meters to your door, the power distribution company seized the light. Total Darkness. For the first time that night, you realized the monster star called the moon never opened shop for the night “Oh Boy! Which kin set-up be this”? You grinned. But you’re tough. You’re a hard guy, nothing scares you. Sixty (60) meters to your door, you paused. Two eyes are staring at you. Hidden under the darkness, it has a golden glow. But the body is evasive. “What’s this”? Before your lips could possibly pronounce Dasuki, you’d beaten Usain Bolt 60M Indoor championship record with no prior training. All the hard guy for nothing! A black cat just humbled you.




What’s it with cats and Nigerians? What’s the difference between a black cat and a white cat? Why are you indifferent to a black dog but despise a black cat? If I tell you the simple reason, will you believe? Will you accept and remain silent?
Superstition. Fired, boiled and cooked by the movie industry, have fooled you for a while. Well, to be honest, you’ve been fooled all your life.

Nollywood, Gollywood, Kannywood and all the Tiger Woods available have, overtime, rearrange and realign your thinking. You now believe that all the old women in your village are witches, sadly many add their grannies to the infamous list. You believe that many rich men got their money through rituals. You believe that nothing can happen to you as a result of “Time and Chance”, instead there must be a “spiritual” reason behind it. You can’t give birth; you are sick; you can’t get a job; you have headache; your pimples is getting bigger; someone is definitely behind it. Like my people will say; “someone is doing you”. And when you start probing further, they’ll tell you it’s your grandfather’s third wife that’s behind your ordeal.

Truth is, the movie industry in Nigeria has done its part in shaping people’s mind, aligning and realigning people’s thoughts. And as it seems many Nigerians are emotionally attached to what they watch, ignoring the fact that movies majorly exist for entertainment and it’s a make believe industry. That’s why Telemundo is currently doing its best in hampering the emotions of our sisters. Telemundo is majorly scripted on the premise of love but the truth is, it doesn’t follows the trail of realities. The storyline is usually of a boy and a girl who fall in love but an obstacle stays in the way of their love. It’s either a wife who is forced on the poor guy or an estranged wife who refused to divorce him for selfish reasons or an unfortunate young girl finds love in the arms of the master and it takes the young, rich, handsome dude three seasons of the movie to notice the love and another two seasons to get her to look his way.

The effect? Our sisters don’t seek Love again. They want True Love. Thus, they apply abstractions into becoming realities. They are on a quest to find the ultimate love. This movies turn a blind eyes to harsh realities. A boy loves you and want to give his all. He wish to call you all day and hear your sweet voice but guess what? MTN is sapping his credit mercilessly. He wants to take you out and lavish money on you but he’s currently jobless. See, watching and immersing yourself into this make believes is not the problem. But when you start comparing Diego and Paloma’s love to yours and that of your man then it’s a disaster waiting to happen. What is acted in films should stay in films. They’re not worth losing your relationships over. Ask yourself, did the actors and actresses that acted that perfect love scene in the play have a smooth relationship in the real world either? That should answer it!


What are your thoughts on this? As usual, share them with me and let’s rub minds in the comment section.


The Last Man Standing

I always come last!

All my life, I always dey carry last. From teenage years till adulthood. Many times I wonder how I got to be the first born in my family because the trait of the 12th chosen abounds in me.

I remember my first day in NYSC camp, majestically strolling to the tent to pick my kits, only to be told my camp number ends with Zero (0). As such, I have to be in platoon 10. I resisted. I disagreed. I fought. (Well, guess I only battled myself because the stern looking soldiers would have had me for lunch). Platoon 10. Mother of all platoons.”Iyalaya!!!” Confidently, we were coming last in all the competitions. Dancing, breakdance, name it. Before long, ten over ten (10/10) became an anthem in the camp. Naeto C became our brand ambassador. Wait on it! That’s another story for another day.

I digress.

Flying High...

Flying High…

My location is currently locked in 13.0364° N, 8.3178° E. That’s Daura. The President’s hometown. The spiritual home of the Hausa people. Well, that’s the cool gist I was told. The room I lay my head in Kongolam is five (5) minutes’ walk to Niger Republic. I’ve once had a meal in Nigeria and drank water in Niger Republic. Daura is just seven (7) hours from Abuja. The city hosting the wedding of the year. And again, as usual, I’m carrying last.

Kongolam - Border Post

Kongolam – Border Post

I had early wrote about this union. Inked about the engagement of Bonnymaid and Ayomaid. Which you can still read Here. That write-up had won me the African Journalist of the Year Award (Dream on). I had plans. Bought my White Brocade. Tailored my Agbada. Complete Yoruba Demon Apparel. But I won’t be attending. As much as I hate coming up with excuses, this one seems inevitable. I’m so sorry.

Yoruba Demon

Yoruba Demon Apparel

Muyiwa will make a great husband. Well, he’s been a good lad. It’s been ten (10) years I came across this gig mind. It’s been a decade of awesomeness. Omobolanle, elegant, poise and easygoing. Wife material, 100 yards. Formidable union where God will be the bedrock. I wish you both nothing but joy, happiness and the blessings of marriage. I would have love to drop some marital advice but what do I know? A single, not eligible man like me. Nonetheless, make Jehovah the third man in the relationship and things will go on well. Right?

Nothing I write will make up for not attending. I was to have a part in the reception program. It’s that bad. But patronizing the couple should give me a soft landing, yeah? I hope so. For those who made it to the wedding, be kind enough to share the fun with me. Let me know what I missed. I’ll be gentle on myself while crying.

Olumuyiwa and Omobolanle

Olumuyiwa and Omobolanle

Happy Married Life Olumuyiwa and Omobolanle Ogundare.


The Unbridling Case of Nigeria Entertainment

Davido OBO Necklace

Pretty funny entertainment news made the round the last couples of weeks. While I’ve been sipping my lipton tea in my Kermit state of mind, some of the news have repeatedly been resonating like a dangling gong in my head. “Davido revealed the cost of His OBO Necklace”, “Inyanya served Groundnut and Hennessey to VIPs in his Abuja Album Launch”, “Basket Mouth Blast Sean Tizzle”, “2face FORTIFED party” bla bla bla…….


I’m particular concerned with Iyanya. Yes, Iyanya again!!! I’m not trying to kill his career, as some people outrightly accused me of the last time i wrote about him. Listen, he’s my friend. He was once my favourite musician and i think he’s talented. But some things have to be set straight. Some truth have to be frankly spoken regardless of who’s been hit.

Lanister Iyanya

Lanister Iyanya

Album launch is a serious business. In this country, so many artists have raked in millions from the launch of their album even before the first copy of the album is sold. Did you just said how? Unlike the Americas or Britain, Album launch in Nigeria is done with a House Warming and “Naming Ceremony” flavour. While Jay-z and Beyonce will debut their Albums on Itunne and Billboards, thier Nigerian conterparts will rather make it an “Owambe affair” where their fans and well-wishers will come and spray Naira. So when iyanya announced his Applaudise Album Launch in Abuja, we all knew the format the Launch was going to take. Regular’s fees and VIP charges were all structured out. The Very Important and Rich fellas in the society will out rightly dough out Four Hundred Thousand Naira Only. An Amount an average Nigerian Student attending a public University won’t spend in Five years (I’m even assuming the student spilled oooo).

Royalty Bequest Royalty. If someone is forking out a VIP Amount, shouldn’t he be getting a VIP treatment? It’s just like flagging down a Taxi in Lagos. You sure know it’s exclusive and expensive. As such, you won’t expect the Driver to pick more people on the road. It’s just You and You. It must be just You! It’s an unwritten rule. An unsigned contract.

So how my “bloda” Iyanya ended up serving his VIP guests and Fans Groundnut. That’s EPA!!! Calling it groundnut may even makes it Tush. One of the angry guest was quoted as saying:

“When I told my wife that I got a table at iyanya’s album launch, she was ecstatic because the singer is one of her favorites. It came to us as a rude shock when we were served groundnuts and Hennessy. I mean we paid N400,000 just to be given groundnuts?”

And should the Season film should have ended there? Nah! Here the statement from his management team:

“Go and check iyanya’s promotion for the album, we did not promise anybody that we would put anything on the table. If you are sitting on the table, it is premium. iyanya gave them a proper show for three hours. iyanya and I were not in charge of what would be put on the table,”

So who should have been in charge of what’s on the guest table? Who is pocketing the #400,000.00 the guest paid? Whose brand and name is on the Show IV? Whose name brought the guest to the event? It’s one thing to be an inept artist, but to have an inept management just sums it up.


As always, your views and comments are ever welcomed in the comment section below.

Random Thoughts With Asat – All Asat Facts Known To Mankind, Vol 2

Great week it’s been for me. Certainly, yours must have been more sweeter. As you all know, you and I have a connection. We are connected by a force. An indelible bond. You are moved by love to read this. ASAT is our connection. Some weeks back, you were privileged to some classified “Unknown to Mankind” intels about Asat. While the reactions to it was mind blowing, what you read was just a tip in the iceberg.

Today, consider yourself among the few honored to further learn new infos about the person of Asat.

If you missed the first part, we are kind enough to share it Here.

Below are the Asat Facts known to mankind. Asat himself knows a million more:

  • Sneh is the other name for Asat. That’s why you all are ending your names with it.
  • Asat once went to a movie, and it watched him for two hours.
  • When Mark Zukerberg created Facebook, he already had a friend request waiting from Asat.
  • Asat’s keyboard doesn’t have a question mark, Asat only has answers.
  • Asat is never late, time is just only been early.
  • Asat wakes up his alarm clock every morning.
  • Asat puts his shirt on with his arms crossed.
  • Asat once took a lie detector test. Well, the machine confessed everything.
  • Asat can win a game of connect 4 in 3 moves.
  • Asat starts a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
  • Asat isn’t self-obsessed. Obsession is obsessed with Asat.
  • Asat does not use mouse to scroll, he use lion.
  • When Olamide sang Shakiti Bobo, he was only hailing Asat. That’s why the song blowed.
  • When Asat looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Asat.
  • When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had 3 missed calls from Asat.
  • When Neil Armstrong landed on the moon, he was welcomed there by Asat.
  • Asat’s E-mail is “yahoo@Asat.com
  • Asat was once stopped at a roadblock the Police officer gave him his license, his police ID and #100 Egunje.
  • Asat heartbeat is measured in richter scale.
  • When the Terminator met Asat, he didn’t came back anymore.
  • The missing piece in the Apple logo was eaten by Asat.
  • Asat can buy a HappyHour Juice and make it sad.
  • Asat calendar goes straight from March 30 to April 2. Why? Because NO ONE fools Asat.
  • Tsunamis aren’t really natural disasters. It’s just one of those days when Asat goes swimming in the ocean.
  • Once Asat and Time had a race. The result? Time is still running.
  • When Asat attempted to play Temple Run, the temple ran away.
  • Asat was once hit by BRT! The bus was declared a right off… Asat was unhurt.
  • Asat can eat ogbono with a fork.
  • Asat got 100% in his school exams because he wrote “Asat” for every answer.
  • Asat once killed two stones with one bird.
  • Asat is an Enigma.

There you go. What’s your favorite Asat Fact? Share your thoughts with me in the comment section and let’s have a go at it.

Enjoy the weekend, Catch fun, rest, talk God. Monday is by the corner. Remember, Asat died 15 years ago, Death just hasn’t plucked up the courage to tell him.

If you think you had a rough week, Remember this Fam in your Prayers.

If you think you had a rough week, Remember this Fam in your Prayers.

Random Thoughts With Asat – Straight Outta Beat Merchants

Nigeria is blessed, right? Well, when it comes to music, Nigeria is short from been fully blessed. Artists who sings sense are getting scarce. We are losing them not to Diseases or death. Contemporary Hiphop is the dearth of our musical soul.

I have said countless times I only rate few Nigerian artistes. While some are blazing “I Want Your Body Sleeping in my bed” and listing Fashola Eleniyan and Ogunmola Eleniyan as the bedmates, another of your contemporary artists promised to take you to his house; “from my couch to the BED, from the BED to the BEDOOM” Common Mbok!!!! Does the Bed precede the Bedroom? Olodo Oshi!!!

Asa, Brymo, Timi Dakolo and Bez have consistently been singing sensible songs in the face of musical impunity. I intentionally left out Cobhams because I see him as more of a producer than a singer! More recently, I’ve been following the carrier path of Adekunle Gold. Great Voice, nice delivery. Sade and Orente is a soothing balm to music lovers.

Iyanya is actually a sorry case in Nigeria music. Yes, he’s rich. Yes, Girls love him more. Yes, he now has a house in Lekki, but all at what cost? He used to be an artist, a proper artist that sings. But he pursued fame, glory and money. He left the musical path. He did Kukere and supposedly “blowed”. He’s been dishing out nonsense ever since. Entirely his fault? Nah! Y’all won’t listen to him when he was singing blues. He gave up and pursued the easy route.

I digress.

What’s been happening around me in the past week?

Straight Outta Everything!!!

Well, I just had to do this

Well, I just had to do this

See. I don’t rate Dr Dre. I don’t even know a beat of his songs. But I seriously respect him. I respect a smart entrepreneur when I see one. Dre and Beyonce’s Husband are more of business artists than music producers. You own a Beat By Dre right? You surely know the trademark owner, yeah? And if u you’ve join the “StraighOutta” bandwagon, just so you know, you’ve been helping Dr Dre promote his new album released this month. Now that’s smart PR from the Dre camp. My PR friend, DEBBIE can surely learn something from that.

Speaking of friends.

Seems everyone around me are stepping up big time. El Jay opening up his World Class Laundry and Dry cleaning Office. If you live around Surulere, he’s in Bode Thomas road, opposite Sweet Sensations. Way to go lad.

El Jay Laundry and Dry Cleaning Services

El Jay be mixing it with ’em Big boys

Tracy finally left Warri and added to the over-population of Lagos. I mean, wetin the waffi girl dey find for Lag? On behalf of Oluomo 1 of Lagos, all the Danfo Drivers and the Agberos, I officially welcome you to Gidi. If you find your way to Apapa by any means, ask anyone around for Dotun Popoola. He runs Tin Can Island now.

Segun has taken her dimple to another level. She’s making money with it now. When a girl approach you to buy something with smile and a curvy dimple, wont you buy? Who wouldn’t? My girlfriend making serious beads these days with her Arewah Signature imprint. Lemme know if you would need one.

Arewah Signature

Arewah Signature

Finally, Karin been learning scooting. Way to go girl. By the time you’re through, guess you will have to ride round the new 5 regions of Nepal with Bidur. Some love story I’ll definitely leave to talk about some other day.

Sleep goddess

Sleep goddess

 You may need to check out Timi Dakolo’s “Wish Me Well” sound. Perfect Delivery. Fantastic video. For copyright issues, I wont be sharing the link here but hey, itunnes is just a click away. Go get it.

Remember to share your views with me as usual in the comment section. I’ll definitely give a reply. Keep your head up. Keep your game tight.

Enough of my ranting. I’ll be Back!

Random Thoughts with Asat – Ayomaid and BonnyMaid. Engagemaid.

Childhood Dream

Childhood Dream

Fresh and Briskly I woke up on Monday. The first day of the week. The day most of us dread. The day that reminds us of the capitalism that has override humanity. The day that takes the fun of the weekend away. Monday is always grumpy. Truth be told, we all almost hate Mondays.

July 27, 2015. The last Monday of the month of July. A Monday I was happy to wake up to. A Monday that had been set up years back.

The journey had started at Adekunle Ajasin University, Akungba Akoko. Like all university romance, it “blowed” and looked solid. But many expected it to end right at the university gate, as that’s the culture of our generation. But this guy is not from this clime. When it comes to the ways of this world, he’s from Mars. An Alien. Fela Anikulapo Kuti referred to himself as “Abami Eda”. He wouldn’t have if he had been privileged to meet this noble man.

Muyiwa Ayomide Ogundare

Muyiwa Ayomide Ogundare

Muyiwa Ayomide Ogundare. A special clone who is planning to leave us behind. Leaving the bachelor life behind. Migrating to a glorious state. A clone who’s planning on wearing a ring soon. Well, he’s still a clone to me till he starts using the ring.

I Digress.

Ayomaid. A special name sweetened when heard from the honey lips of Bonnymaid. Never been close to Bola. Don’t know if that would change soon but I know her from afar. A gentle heart and a lovingness that radiates. You don’t need to be a buddy to feel that. A special soul.

Bola Oguntuberu

Bola Oguntuberu

Lakeside. Azure Sky. 22 degress. Federal Capital Territory. My special clone asked the four words. For reasons best known to him he had to ask three times (wait, didn’t I tell you he’s a clone?).

“Will You Marry Me?”

It took about four minutes. She’s staring. Lost. Happy. Speechless. She’s overwhelmed with joy. It’s been her dream. It’s been his too. He pulled the ring and fixed it. Don’t ask me what happened immediately after. Minutes later, they drove into the moon.

Was it a fairy tale? He’s saying No. Insisting fairy tales don’t last. But who cares. Bonnymaid is happy. The whole fraternity is happy.

Love can be brutal. Several love stories are epic nollywood scripts with a whole lot of you guys playing Jim Iyke. But my clone has been the Ramson Noah of this movie shoot. He’s just delivered a Hollywood Boxoffice.

Congratulations Muyiwa Ayomide Ogundare and Bola Oguntuberu. I’ve placed order for my ten yard Guinea brocade. White Agbada for “Idobale” that day we meet your parents Bola.

My White Agbada on "Idobale" day will be better than this Tola's own.

My White Agbada on “Idobale” day will be better than this Tola’s own.

As for my special clone, who I’ll repeatedly be calling so because I know he’ll still knock me whenever we see for calling him a clone, you’re probably the smartest individual I’ve come across my whole life. That’s what makes you a clone.

World Smartest Clone

World Smartest Clone

Let the countdown begin.

Random Thought with Asat – All Asat Facts Known To Mankind

It’s Wednesday People!!!!

The good thing about Wednesday is the reminder it gives that the week is almost over and weekend is near. Yeah, it’s almost Friday!

So what is trending today?

It’s Asat Baby.

Y’all know Asat is a phenomenon and I bet many of you crave his love and attention. However, how well do you know this special character. Here in here, your quest for answers is almost over.

Below are the Asat Facts known to mankind. Asat himself knows a million more:

Asat is an Enigma!

Asat is an Enigma!

  • Once a cobra bit Asat’s leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  • Asat’s dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Asat will not take shit from anyone.
  • Asat never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.
  • Asat cannot be Asated.
  • Once Asat got in a fight with superman… the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside
  • Once Death had a near-Asat experience
  • Asat counted to infinity TWICE
  • Once Asat invented a rock that was too heavy even for him to lift. Then he lifted it anyway.
  • Asat once had a heart attack; his heart lost.
  • The last digit of pi is Asat.
  • Asat’s cell no. is 1
  • Asat doesn’t talk. His thoughts are fed to the brains of his contacts.
  • Asat doesn’t cry. He laughs
  • Asat once pulled a building out of a burning building
  • Asat is now a verb for “kicking ass”
  • Asat can walk on water, and swim on land
  • Asat does a push up, he is not pushing himself up, he’s pushing the earth down.
  • Asat does not dodge bullets, bullets dodge Asat.
  • Will Smith’s ‘I am legend’ is loosely based on the life and times of Asat.
  • Asat doesn’t ring bells, they shiver when they see him
  • Asat Makes Onion Cry.
  • When Asat lost his wallet, The world financial crisis began.
  • When Asat watches the matrix he doesn’t see a movie, he sees a documentary of his childhood.
  • B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
    letters before Asat was born.
  • When Asat was young his mum rocked him to sleep with REAL rocks!
  • Aliens do exist. They’re just waiting for Asat to die before they attack.

To be continued…………..

There you go. What’s your favorite Asat Fact? Share your thoughts with me in the comment section and let’s have a go at it.

Do have a lovely day. Remember, Asat doesn’t call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

Random Thoughts With Asat – Drake Beef or Meek Mill Ponmo?

Let's Pray - Meeky Drake

Let’s Pray – Meeky Drake

Last night while most people were sleeping, a number of hip-hop artists started voicing their opinions on ghostwriters after Meek Mill targeted Drake for not writing his own verse on “R.I.C.O.,” and for not promoting his album, Dreams Worth More Than Money. Allegedly, after Drake found out that Meek Mill knew he didn’t write his own verse, Drake refused to promote the album to his 24 million followers.

If this flurry of tweets is to be believed at face value, it would appear that Meek Mill is over-reacting to a practice that happens often in hip-hop. The name Meek mentioned, Quentin Miller, is actually credited on “R.I.C.O.”, which means that it’s common knowledge that someone other than Drake wrote it. But maybe there’s more to this story than meets the eye. Maybe this could be a classic case of a love triangle gone wrong, with Drake feeling false ownership over Minaj after her relationship with Safaree Samuels. Or maybe it can be deeper than love or money, and be an issue of respect tied to each artist’s use of album art. We dug up the thoughts of the designer of Meek Mill’s album cover to find out every angle to these theories in an attempt to get to the bottom of this.

Theory #1: He Wanted the Drake Stimulus Package

Meek Mill is genuinely upset that Drake, currently the biggest rapper in the game, may have a secret crutch with the army of songwriters under his wing. While this practice isn’t anything new in the music industry—Kanye has been more than open about the army of writers he enlists for a new song—it’s still a touchy subject in hip-hop which still holds the outdated ideal that every lyric is entirely written pen to paper by one artist.

Meek has always been very vocal about social support from his rap peers, which caused Wale to catch flack when the D.C. rapper didn’t tweet about Meek’s debut. This time around, according to Meek, once The Boy found out that Meek knew he didn’t write his own lyrics, he pulled away from sharing the social media love.

While it would be easy to call Meek Mill petty, it’s hard to ignore the influence of the OVO rapper. With over 24 million followers on Twitter, his support could have given Meek’s already large sophomore sales an even bigger debut. Perhaps adding fuel to Meek’s claims is the fact that for no rhyme or reason and a week in advance of Future’s Dirty Sprite 2, Drake announced that he would be the sole feature on the album. And while many would argue the strong arm of #FutureHive for the impressive 125,000 – 135,000 opening sales of DS2, the “Drake Stimulus Package” is a real thing.

Theory #2: The Lover’s Triangle

The Love Triangle

The Love Triangle

Before Meek and Nicki started officially dating this spring, there was always some romance brewing between Nicki and Drake. This has a long history, dating back to Nicki’s “Moment For Life” video where the two are seen getting married and as recently as the infamous lap dance in her “Anaconda” video. Now there is reason to believe Meek and Nicki’s relations is on the rocks, as video footage from Nicki and Meek’s Miami performance from July 20th displays them interacting awkwardly on stage and barely looking at each other. In his storm of tweets last night, Meek put it on display that he’s sensitive towards Drake and Nicki’s ambiguous relationship, saying: “When he said the dream girl shit on Rico I thought he was coming at me lol.”

Theory #3: Art Attack

Asat Media

Meek Mill Album Art

Meek Mill’s album art features a stack of money unfolding to expose what appears to be a page from the bible with the same prayer hands that are on Drake’s If You’re Reading This Its Too Late. However, if you look closely, you can see it’s a page from a service for Robert Parker, Meek Mill’s father. The date of August 19, 1992 on the page matches up to the date of the news report announcing Parker’s death, and the prayer hands seem to be lifted straight from the funeral program. Meek Mill’s album was pushed back from September of 2014, a full 4 months before Drake dropped his mixtape. In a phone call with Noisey, Chaz L. Morgan—the designer who created Meek Mill’s album art—stated that Meek had approved all of the promotional artwork leading up to the original September 2014 release, and approved the image of the prayer hands for the release. “I drafted up the funeral service page. But the hands, I was able to get the original copy because Meek put it on Instagram like two or three years ago. I wanted to put a picture of him on the cover, so I was researching and I was able to find a picture of them cropped out. I was just reinterpreted the rest of it with based on dates.” When I follow up and ask how he feels about Drake using the same image for his mixtape, or if Drake may have seen the image ahead of time, he replies with the silent treatment. Like most superstars, Drake has a history of being influenced by outside forces. Was Meek Mill’s use of prayer hands so impactful that Drake felt he needed to claim it as his own? Although Meek didn’t allude to it in the tweets, the fact that a peer used an image that holds such gravity to your personal history and, in a way, represents the love you feel for your late father, might have been one of the many straws on this camel’s back.

Final Thoughts

The truth may lay outside of those three theories or be some weird combination of them, but the fact remains that this rap beef is in full swing. Drake has historically not been one to engage in rap feuds, but with one of his former allies taking such a hard stance against him, it would appear that this beef holds more substance than one with, say, Tyga. We will continue to follow this story and provide updates as they happen.

As you all are taking sides already, what’s your take on the Drake-Meek Mill Beef? Share your thoughts with me in the comment section.