September | 2015 | AsatMedia

Pretty funny entertainment news made the round the last couples of weeks. While I’ve been sipping my lipton tea in my Kermit state of mind, some of the news have repeatedly been resonating like a dangling gong in my head. “Davido revealed the cost of His OBO Necklace”, “Inyanya served Groundnut and Hennessey to VIPs in his Abuja Album Launch”, “Basket Mouth Blast Sean Tizzle”, “2face FORTIFED party” bla bla bla…….

I’m particular concerned with Iyanya. Yes, Iyanya again!!! I’m not trying to kill his career, as some people outrightly accused me of the last time i wrote about him. Listen, he’s my friend. He was once my favourite musician and i think he’s talented. But some things have to be set straight. Some truth have to be frankly spoken regardless of who’s been hit.

Lanister Iyanya

Album launch is a serious business. In this country, so many artists have raked in millions from the launch of their album even before the first copy of the album is sold. Did you just said how? Unlike the Americas or Britain, Album launch in Nigeria is done with a House Warming and “Naming Ceremony” flavour. While Jay-z and Beyonce will debut their Albums on Itunne and Billboards, thier Nigerian conterparts will rather make it an “Owambe affair” where their fans and well-wishers will come and spray Naira. So when iyanya announced his Applaudise Album Launch in Abuja, we all knew the format the Launch was going to take. Regular’s fees and VIP charges were all structured out. The Very Important and Rich fellas in the society will out rightly dough out Four Hundred Thousand Naira Only. An Amount an average Nigerian Student attending a public University won’t spend in Five years (I’m even assuming the student spilled oooo).

Royalty Bequest Royalty. If someone is forking out a VIP Amount, shouldn’t he be getting a VIP treatment? It’s just like flagging down a Taxi in Lagos. You sure know it’s exclusive and expensive. As such, you won’t expect the Driver to pick more people on the road. It’s just You and You. It must be just You! It’s an unwritten rule. An unsigned contract.

So how my “bloda” Iyanya ended up serving his VIP guests and Fans Groundnut. That’s EPA!!! Calling it groundnut may even makes it Tush. One of the angry guest was quoted as saying:

“When I told my wife that I got a table at iyanya’s album launch, she was ecstatic because the singer is one of her favorites. It came to us as a rude shock when we were served groundnuts and Hennessy. I mean we paid N400,000 just to be given groundnuts?”

And should the Season film should have ended there? Nah! Here the statement from his management team:

“Go and check iyanya’s promotion for the album, we did not promise anybody that we would put anything on the table. If you are sitting on the table, it is premium. iyanya gave them a proper show for three hours. iyanya and I were not in charge of what would be put on the table,”

So who should have been in charge of what’s on the guest table? Who is pocketing the #400,000.00 the guest paid? Whose brand and name is on the Show IV? Whose name brought the guest to the event? It’s one thing to be an inept artist, but to have an inept management just sums it up.

#OkMyRantsAreOver

As always, your views and comments are ever welcomed in the comment section below.

Great week it’s been for me. Certainly, yours must have been more sweeter. As you all know, you and I have a connection. We are connected by a force. An indelible bond. You are moved by love to read this. ASAT is our connection. Some weeks back, you were privileged to some classified “Unknown to Mankind” intels about Asat. While the reactions to it was mind blowing, what you read was just a tip in the iceberg.

Today, consider yourself among the few honored to further learn new infos about the person of Asat.

If you missed the first part, we are kind enough to share it Here.

Below are the Asat Facts known to mankind. Asat himself knows a million more:

Sneh is the other name for Asat. That’s why you all are ending your names with it.
Asat once went to a movie, and it watched him for two hours.
When Mark Zukerberg created Facebook, he already had a friend request waiting from Asat.
Asat’s keyboard doesn’t have a question mark, Asat only has answers.
Asat is never late, time is just only been early.
Asat wakes up his alarm clock every morning.
Asat puts his shirt on with his arms crossed.
Asat once took a lie detector test. Well, the machine confessed everything.
Asat can win a game of connect 4 in 3 moves.
Asat starts a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
Asat isn’t self-obsessed. Obsession is obsessed with Asat.
Asat does not use mouse to scroll, he use lion.
When Olamide sang Shakiti Bobo, he was only hailing Asat. That’s why the song blowed.
When Asat looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Asat.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had 3 missed calls from Asat.
When Neil Armstrong landed on the moon, he was welcomed there by Asat.
Asat’s E-mail is “yahoo@Asat.com
Asat was once stopped at a roadblock the Police officer gave him his license, his police ID and #100 Egunje.
Asat heartbeat is measured in richter scale.
When the Terminator met Asat, he didn’t came back anymore.
The missing piece in the Apple logo was eaten by Asat.
Asat can buy a HappyHour Juice and make it sad.
Asat calendar goes straight from March 30 to April 2. Why? Because NO ONE fools Asat.
Tsunamis aren’t really natural disasters. It’s just one of those days when Asat goes swimming in the ocean.
Once Asat and Time had a race. The result? Time is still running.
When Asat attempted to play Temple Run, the temple ran away.
Asat was once hit by BRT! The bus was declared a right off… Asat was unhurt.
Asat can eat ogbono with a fork.
Asat got 100% in his school exams because he wrote “Asat” for every answer.
Asat once killed two stones with one bird.
Asat is an Enigma.

There you go. What’s your favorite Asat Fact? Share your thoughts with me in the comment section and let’s have a go at it.

Enjoy the weekend, Catch fun, rest, talk God. Monday is by the corner. Remember, Asat died 15 years ago, Death just hasn’t plucked up the courage to tell him.